We are living through what the Chinese describe as "interesting times" - a lot of us would describe them as challenging! Many of the structures that we have viewed as fixed points in our lives are no longer certain; job security, financial security, social and political systems and so on.
At such times it's important to maintain our stability and resilience as best we can. Here are three suggestions to help you do this.
1. Recognise that change is a constant (if that's not a contradiction!). Just tuning into your thoughts, emotions and physical sensations will make you aware of how your own experience of the world is continuously shifting and changing. Nothing stands still. Practise "staying with" your moment by moment experience, viewing it all with equanimity, as best you can.
2. Focus on what you can control, not what you can't control. According to Stephen Covey, the author of "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People", focusing on something however small that we CAN directly influence is likely to make us feel more empowered and better able to handle what we CAN'T control. What small step can you take today, to give yourself that feeling of empowerment?
3. Look for simple sources of stability in your life; places, people and activities that you find comforting and reassuringly familiar. A favourite armchair, a chat with a good friend, a piece of music that boosts your mood. Take some time to enjoy and appreciate these each day.
Enjoy the rest of the year,
Chris
New Mindfulness Courses 2010-2011 visit www.breathing-space.biz
Thursday, 11 November 2010
Friday, 20 August 2010
On Letting Go
At a conference recently, I bought a book by one of the workshop leaders whose session I'd attended. By an astonishing fluke of synchronicity, it turned out that the author has led workshops (as have I!)on a topic that's interested me for some time - the myth of the ancient Sumerian goddess Innana.
In the myth, Innana takes a journey to the Underworld to attend the funeral rites of her sister's husband. Her sister rules over that dark realm, into which Innana descends, passing through seven gates as she does so. At each of the gates she must leave behind objects that symbolise letting go of certain aspects of herself and her identity, such as her power and sovereignty. Ultimately she goes through a process of dying, in order to be reborn and re-enter the world in the fullness of her divinity.
The Buddhist tradition from which Mindfulness comes talks a lot about the constant process of change and the need for non-attachment, acceptance of what is, and letting go. This got me thinking about the things that I need to accept and let go, such as:
Accepting that I'm unlikely to resume a career that I left behind 30-odd years ago, no matter how appealing it might seem now
Accepting that, like everyone else, I make mistakes, and letting go of the need to beat myself up when I get it wrong (Whatever "it" may be!)
Accepting that I'll never be able to please everyone, and letting go of the need to do so
Accepting that I need to take responsibility for my own life, and letting go of the belief that there's a deus ex machina out there who will come and rescue me when things get tough
It can be hard sometimes to stare these realities in the face, but we need to do so if we want to grow, without being trapped by our past and by the stories that we tell ourselves about how our lives are, and how they should be.
What do you need to accept and let go of?
Best wishes,
Chris
Next Mindful Living course in Bristol starts 7th September
In the myth, Innana takes a journey to the Underworld to attend the funeral rites of her sister's husband. Her sister rules over that dark realm, into which Innana descends, passing through seven gates as she does so. At each of the gates she must leave behind objects that symbolise letting go of certain aspects of herself and her identity, such as her power and sovereignty. Ultimately she goes through a process of dying, in order to be reborn and re-enter the world in the fullness of her divinity.
The Buddhist tradition from which Mindfulness comes talks a lot about the constant process of change and the need for non-attachment, acceptance of what is, and letting go. This got me thinking about the things that I need to accept and let go, such as:
Accepting that I'm unlikely to resume a career that I left behind 30-odd years ago, no matter how appealing it might seem now
Accepting that, like everyone else, I make mistakes, and letting go of the need to beat myself up when I get it wrong (Whatever "it" may be!)
Accepting that I'll never be able to please everyone, and letting go of the need to do so
Accepting that I need to take responsibility for my own life, and letting go of the belief that there's a deus ex machina out there who will come and rescue me when things get tough
It can be hard sometimes to stare these realities in the face, but we need to do so if we want to grow, without being trapped by our past and by the stories that we tell ourselves about how our lives are, and how they should be.
What do you need to accept and let go of?
Best wishes,
Chris
Next Mindful Living course in Bristol starts 7th September
Thursday, 20 May 2010
Getting out of "Freeze" mode
Have you ever felt like a rabbit in a car's headlights? You know that you should be doing something to get out of your predicament, but somehow you're transfixed and you can't do a damn thing. Welcome to "freeze" mode, the "other bit" of the fight or flight response. It's come to the forefront for me lately, because I'm faced with some big changes and I've discovered that - yes - "freeze" is my stress response of choice. Well, actually, it's "freeze" followed by "flight". Let me tell you more.
I'm currently going through what the Chinese describe as "interesting times" as I gear up for a major shift in my work. For some time now I've been jogging along doing a fairly substantial piece of "bread and butter" work which has helped keep my head above water in a difficult economic climate but hasn't exactly been the best fit or most productive use of my skills and experience. Meanwhile, a lot of the stuff I should really have been focusing on has been relegated to the back burner. And now, for various reasons, none of them personal to me, the pile of bread and butter will be shrinking.
Depending on how I view it, this could be the golden path of opportunity or the edge of a big black hole. A great opportunity to stretch myself, grow my business in the way that I want it to grow (more courses, residential retreats in stunning locations, more e-resources for you all...) but pretty scary, too. Lots of "what ifs" rearing their ugly heads (you know the "what ifs"? Of course you do!). Hence my retreat into "freeze" mode. Take this morning, for example. I plodded up the two flights of stairs to my office and sat down at my desk. I knew that there was a whole shedload of activities on my "to do" list, but as soon as I thought about them my energy drained and I felt that familiar tightening in the pit of my stomach. Far easier to check emails, look at other people's websites, make another cup of coffee (that's the "flight" bit, folks).
So what did I do? Let me share it with you, just in case you ever find yourself in a similar place. Well, first of all I acknowledged to myself that - OK - I was feeling scared, wobbly and just a bit overwhelmed. I took that to my meditation stool, not as a way of escaping what I was feeling, but of accepting it and bringing some compassion to exploring my feelings. I tuned in to my breath, which was high and tight in my chest. I noticed the feelings in my body; the buzz of stress chemicals whizzing around, a tension in the back of my neck and in my stomach. I accepted all of these feelings as best I could - and noticed that, actually, they were very similar to feelings of excitement and anticipation.
Then I focused on my breath. Mindfulness talks about the breath as an anchor, a way of escorting our attention back to the present moment, away from wherever our mind has taken us. Focusing on the breath at the belly is a great way of bringing the nervous energy down, helping us to feel more grounded.
Next, I asked myself "What do I need to do now in order to look after myself?" It turned out to be, of all things, balancing my cheque book, a simple task that helped me to feel more in control. After that came a walk, to recharge my batteries and get my body back into equilibrium. I'm lucky to live a stone's throw from 2 lovely country parks and the famous Bristol Downs, so I really enjoy the sights, sounds and scents on my little circuits. Birdsong, huge overblown crimson poppies and the neat pompoms of alliums; the heady fragrance of lilacs and lime trees. And on that walk, ideas started popping into my head; simple ways that I could move things forward. The beginning of a thaw...
The scary feeling hasn't gone away, but at least I now know it's a lot like excitement. Maybe I'll take Susan Jeffers' time honoured advice to "feel the fear and do it anyway".
What do you think?
I'm currently going through what the Chinese describe as "interesting times" as I gear up for a major shift in my work. For some time now I've been jogging along doing a fairly substantial piece of "bread and butter" work which has helped keep my head above water in a difficult economic climate but hasn't exactly been the best fit or most productive use of my skills and experience. Meanwhile, a lot of the stuff I should really have been focusing on has been relegated to the back burner. And now, for various reasons, none of them personal to me, the pile of bread and butter will be shrinking.
Depending on how I view it, this could be the golden path of opportunity or the edge of a big black hole. A great opportunity to stretch myself, grow my business in the way that I want it to grow (more courses, residential retreats in stunning locations, more e-resources for you all...) but pretty scary, too. Lots of "what ifs" rearing their ugly heads (you know the "what ifs"? Of course you do!). Hence my retreat into "freeze" mode. Take this morning, for example. I plodded up the two flights of stairs to my office and sat down at my desk. I knew that there was a whole shedload of activities on my "to do" list, but as soon as I thought about them my energy drained and I felt that familiar tightening in the pit of my stomach. Far easier to check emails, look at other people's websites, make another cup of coffee (that's the "flight" bit, folks).
So what did I do? Let me share it with you, just in case you ever find yourself in a similar place. Well, first of all I acknowledged to myself that - OK - I was feeling scared, wobbly and just a bit overwhelmed. I took that to my meditation stool, not as a way of escaping what I was feeling, but of accepting it and bringing some compassion to exploring my feelings. I tuned in to my breath, which was high and tight in my chest. I noticed the feelings in my body; the buzz of stress chemicals whizzing around, a tension in the back of my neck and in my stomach. I accepted all of these feelings as best I could - and noticed that, actually, they were very similar to feelings of excitement and anticipation.
Then I focused on my breath. Mindfulness talks about the breath as an anchor, a way of escorting our attention back to the present moment, away from wherever our mind has taken us. Focusing on the breath at the belly is a great way of bringing the nervous energy down, helping us to feel more grounded.
Next, I asked myself "What do I need to do now in order to look after myself?" It turned out to be, of all things, balancing my cheque book, a simple task that helped me to feel more in control. After that came a walk, to recharge my batteries and get my body back into equilibrium. I'm lucky to live a stone's throw from 2 lovely country parks and the famous Bristol Downs, so I really enjoy the sights, sounds and scents on my little circuits. Birdsong, huge overblown crimson poppies and the neat pompoms of alliums; the heady fragrance of lilacs and lime trees. And on that walk, ideas started popping into my head; simple ways that I could move things forward. The beginning of a thaw...
The scary feeling hasn't gone away, but at least I now know it's a lot like excitement. Maybe I'll take Susan Jeffers' time honoured advice to "feel the fear and do it anyway".
What do you think?
Wednesday, 17 February 2010
When too many ideas are Not A Good Thing
I've always been an ideas person. If I sit down for a few minutes my head rapidly fills up with all kinds of plans, projects, story plots, etc...etc...etc...
Now, don't get me wrong, I like being an ideas person. It keeps me inspired and helps me to come up with creative solutions to problems. But there is a downside.
Sometimes there's so much going on in my head that, when I sit down to do something, I'm not sure where to start. It's easy to get pulled hither and thither, doing a bit of this and a bit of that and not really getting anywhere. I can also end up bamboozling other people when I go off at tangents and present them with too many alternatives.
So how do I cope with this? Well, it's kind of a work in progress, but here are a few things that help. If you also suffer from ideas overload, maybe they'll help you, too.
Now, don't get me wrong, I like being an ideas person. It keeps me inspired and helps me to come up with creative solutions to problems. But there is a downside.
Sometimes there's so much going on in my head that, when I sit down to do something, I'm not sure where to start. It's easy to get pulled hither and thither, doing a bit of this and a bit of that and not really getting anywhere. I can also end up bamboozling other people when I go off at tangents and present them with too many alternatives.
So how do I cope with this? Well, it's kind of a work in progress, but here are a few things that help. If you also suffer from ideas overload, maybe they'll help you, too.
- Mindfulness practice is probably my biggest help. When I sit down to meditate I can step back from the torrent of "I could do this, or I could do that..." sufficiently to just let the thoughts come and go, without immediately feeling that I have to rush off and do something about them
- Writing stuff down is great, too. I carry several notebooks so that I can jot ideas down when they occur. Some of them have legs, others don't - when I review my notes later, I can generally tell which is which. If an idea keeps recurring, that's an indicator that it's pretty important to me and might be worth checking out
- Focusing on one thing at a time - sounds fairly basic, but surprisingly effective. I was reminded of it when I read Maitreyabandhu's great book on Mindfulness, "Life with Full Attention". Now I try to ensure that I keep my desk space free of everything except what I'm currently working on, and that I turn my email off whilst I'm doing other things
- Reducing input is pretty much a necessity in this info-heavy age that we live in. I'm currently reviewing my online marketing, and I can tell you, there are gazillions of online marketing gurus out there with appealing-sounding newsletters and signups, and I think I signed up to most of them. If I try to take all of their ideas on board, it's just too much, so I'm settling on a couple that I've found particularly helpful, and putting the rest to one side
I can't pretend I've completely conquered my ideas overload, and I'm not entirely sure I want to, but at least I can see the wood for the trees! How about you? I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.
Best wishes
Chris
Friday, 29 January 2010
Getting inspired
I've always been a great reader, ever since I was little (come to think of it, I'm not very big now!). I was one of those kids who had to be dragged away kicking and screaming from my book, and forced to play outside - sad, I know. I distinctly remember the "torch under the covers" scenario. And that love of books has stayed with me ever since. Books that I read for the fun of it, and books that encourage, motivate and inspire me - sometimes both at the same time. Lately I've been discovering some great books on Mindfulness as I develop my own practice and teach my classes. You'll find some of these on my website at www.breathing-space.biz/biblio
There's a whole approach to mental health and wellbeing that's known as "bibliotherapy". Basically, learning something new, anything new, is good for us and boosts our self esteem. Of course, learning and insights don't just come from self help books, and a well written novel or poem can often be even more moving and inspirational. For example, the haunting atmosphere of Alain-Fournier's novel "Le Grand Meaulnes" has stayed with me for many years, and I belief it also inspired John Fowles when he was writing "The Magus", another old favourite.
As we move into Spring, which is associated in the Celtic calendar with Air, the element of ideas and inspiration, wouldn't it be good to share our inspirational books? What are yours? Drop me a line!
There's a whole approach to mental health and wellbeing that's known as "bibliotherapy". Basically, learning something new, anything new, is good for us and boosts our self esteem. Of course, learning and insights don't just come from self help books, and a well written novel or poem can often be even more moving and inspirational. For example, the haunting atmosphere of Alain-Fournier's novel "Le Grand Meaulnes" has stayed with me for many years, and I belief it also inspired John Fowles when he was writing "The Magus", another old favourite.
As we move into Spring, which is associated in the Celtic calendar with Air, the element of ideas and inspiration, wouldn't it be good to share our inspirational books? What are yours? Drop me a line!
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