Getting out of "Freeze" mode

Have you ever felt like a rabbit in a car's headlights? You know that you should be doing something to get out of your predicament, but somehow you're transfixed and you can't do a damn thing. Welcome to "freeze" mode, the "other bit" of the fight or flight response. It's come to the forefront for me lately, because I'm faced with some big changes and I've discovered that - yes - "freeze" is my stress response of choice. Well, actually, it's "freeze" followed by "flight". Let me tell you more.

I'm currently going through what the Chinese describe as "interesting times" as I gear up for a major shift in my work. For some time now I've been jogging along doing a fairly substantial piece of "bread and butter" work which has helped keep my head above water in a difficult economic climate but hasn't exactly been the best fit or most productive use of my skills and experience. Meanwhile, a lot of the stuff I should really have been focusing on has been relegated to the back burner. And now, for various reasons, none of them personal to me, the pile of bread and butter will be shrinking.

Depending on how I view it, this could be the golden path of opportunity or the edge of a big black hole. A great opportunity to stretch myself, grow my business in the way that I want it to grow (more courses, residential retreats in stunning locations, more e-resources for you all...) but pretty scary, too. Lots of "what ifs" rearing their ugly heads (you know the "what ifs"? Of course you do!). Hence my retreat into "freeze" mode. Take this morning, for example. I plodded up the two flights of stairs to my office and sat down at my desk. I knew that there was a whole shedload of activities on my "to do" list, but as soon as I thought about them my energy drained and I felt that familiar tightening in the pit of my stomach. Far easier to check emails, look at other people's websites, make another cup of coffee (that's the "flight" bit, folks).

So what did I do? Let me share it with you, just in case you ever find yourself in a similar place. Well, first of all I acknowledged to myself that - OK - I was feeling scared, wobbly and just a bit overwhelmed. I took that to my meditation stool, not as a way of escaping what I was feeling, but of accepting it and bringing some compassion to exploring my feelings. I tuned in to my breath, which was high and tight in my chest. I noticed the feelings in my body; the buzz of stress chemicals whizzing around, a tension in the back of my neck and in my stomach. I accepted all of these feelings as best I could - and noticed that, actually, they were very similar to feelings of excitement and anticipation.

Then I focused on my breath. Mindfulness talks about the breath as an anchor, a way of escorting our attention back to the present moment, away from wherever our mind has taken us. Focusing on the breath at the belly is a great way of bringing the nervous energy down, helping us to feel more grounded.

Next, I asked myself "What do I need to do now in order to look after myself?" It turned out to be, of all things, balancing my cheque book, a simple task that helped me to feel more in control. After that came a walk, to recharge my batteries and get my body back into equilibrium. I'm lucky to live a stone's throw from 2 lovely country parks and the famous Bristol Downs, so I really enjoy the sights, sounds and scents on my little circuits. Birdsong, huge overblown crimson poppies and the neat pompoms of alliums; the heady fragrance of lilacs and lime trees. And on that walk, ideas started popping into my head; simple ways that I could move things forward. The beginning of a thaw...

The scary feeling hasn't gone away, but at least I now know it's a lot like excitement. Maybe I'll take Susan Jeffers' time honoured advice to "feel the fear and do it anyway".

What do you think?