Breathing Space Personal Growth: Pause for thought

2012-01-24T09:21:00.001-08:00

Catch me at 11am this Weds on BBC Radio Somerset, talking about Mindfulness & the menopause!

2011-12-20T11:36:00.001-08:00

"Embracing the Change: A Mindful Journey through Menopause" March 16th-18th. Visit http://ping.fm/VJvGF

2011-12-20T11:31:00.001-08:00

Be mindful in 2012! New mindfulness programmes in Bristol Jan/Feb, visit www.breathing-space.biz/courses

2011-09-06T07:23:00.001-07:00

Workplace wellbeing: Really excited about the Breathing Space Workplace launch on 27th Sept. Visit us at www.breathingspaceworkplace.com

2011-07-29T06:16:00.001-07:00

Oops! That link to Breathing Space Workplace should be http://ping.fm/T3yk4

2011-07-29T06:08:00.001-07:00

Have just set up Breathing Space Workplace and have a great bunch of associates to provide a full range of workplace wellbeing services. Visit us at http://ping.fm/3ltKV

2011-07-29T06:06:00.001-07:00

New course dates! "Mindfulness for the Helping professions" now running from 19th to 21st Oct at Croydon Hall, Somerset (http://ping.fm/gb351)
8 week daytime Mindfulness programme starting 5th Sept in Bristol, see http://ping.fm/K4ETa

Time for a little more Mindfulness?

2011-06-27T06:43:00.000-07:00

You're walking along the local high street on a summer's day, feeling at peace with the world, when suddenly...whack! Someone walks straight into you. He/she is absorbed in a mobile phone conversation, texting, checking emails or simply elsewhere - woolgathering, lost in thought, however you might care to describe it.

Take two. You're driving along in your car. It's wet and windy outside, and visibility is poor. You look in your rear view mirror and see that there's another car, right on your tail. The driver is partially turned away, having an altercation with their child who's in the passenger seat, or caught up in an animated conversation on their hands-free.

Take three. You're going into a department store. The person just in front of you lets the door swing back in your face. Or maybe you are holding the door open for them, and they sweep through, oblivious.

What's happening here? The same thing, in all three cases...distraction. These days we seem to be doing so many things at once that it's easy to lose the plot and simply zone out, rushing through life on autopilot. But autopilot isn't a good place to be. Being unaware of the people around us generates friction and stress for those who are on the receiving end. Not noticing where we are going can be dangerous if we happen to be driving a car or stepping out onto a busy road at the time. And if a lot of us behave this way (and we are!) the world can seem just a little bit more stressful and less caring.

So, what can we do about it?

Well, first of all, we can recognise that technology is a double-edged sword. It can be a great resource - after all, I wouldn't be writing this blog without it, and you wouldn't be reading it! - but it can also be a huge source of distraction, taking us into a virtual world where we become oblivious of the real world around us. The health issues that result from this are already becoming apparent; sluggishness, irritability, sleep problems, high levels of tension, aches, pains... Bearing this in mind, we might decide to turn the technology off from time to time, especially when we're around other people, when we need our full focus and concentration for whatever else we're doing, or when we simply need to relax and wind down.

We can stop at intervals during the day (set an alarm, if it helps!) and simply notice how we're feeling at that moment, and what we might need in order to feel even better.

We can cultivate an awareness of our breath as a way of bringing our attention right back to our body and to where we are right now.

And we can walk down the high street on a summer's day noticing the way the pavement feels under our feet, the warm air on our skin, the smell of garden plants, cooking, diesel fumes, and the faces of the people around us.

Let's all see if we can give it a try!

Three tips on managing uncertainty

2010-11-11T10:00:00.000-08:00

We are living through what the Chinese describe as "interesting times" - a lot of us would describe them as challenging! Many of the structures that we have viewed as fixed points in our lives are no longer certain; job security, financial security, social and political systems and so on.

At such times it's important to maintain our stability and resilience as best we can. Here are three suggestions to help you do this.

1. Recognise that change is a constant (if that's not a contradiction!). Just tuning into your thoughts, emotions and physical sensations will make you aware of how your own experience of the world is continuously shifting and changing. Nothing stands still. Practise "staying with" your moment by moment experience, viewing it all with equanimity, as best you can.

2. Focus on what you can control, not what you can't control. According to Stephen Covey, the author of "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People", focusing on something however small that we CAN directly influence is likely to make us feel more empowered and better able to handle what we CAN'T control. What small step can you take today, to give yourself that feeling of empowerment?

3. Look for simple sources of stability in your life; places, people and activities that you find comforting and reassuringly familiar. A favourite armchair, a chat with a good friend, a piece of music that boosts your mood. Take some time to enjoy and appreciate these each day.

Enjoy the rest of the year,

Chris

New Mindfulness Courses 2010-2011 visit www.breathing-space.biz

On Letting Go

2010-08-20T09:34:00.000-07:00

At a conference recently, I bought a book by one of the workshop leaders whose session I'd attended. By an astonishing fluke of synchronicity, it turned out that the author has led workshops (as have I!)on a topic that's interested me for some time - the myth of the ancient Sumerian goddess Innana.

In the myth, Innana takes a journey to the Underworld to attend the funeral rites of her sister's husband. Her sister rules over that dark realm, into which Innana descends, passing through seven gates as she does so. At each of the gates she must leave behind objects that symbolise letting go of certain aspects of herself and her identity, such as her power and sovereignty. Ultimately she goes through a process of dying, in order to be reborn and re-enter the world in the fullness of her divinity.

The Buddhist tradition from which Mindfulness comes talks a lot about the constant process of change and the need for non-attachment, acceptance of what is, and letting go. This got me thinking about the things that I need to accept and let go, such as:

Accepting that I'm unlikely to resume a career that I left behind 30-odd years ago, no matter how appealing it might seem now

Accepting that, like everyone else, I make mistakes, and letting go of the need to beat myself up when I get it wrong (Whatever "it" may be!)

Accepting that I'll never be able to please everyone, and letting go of the need to do so

Accepting that I need to take responsibility for my own life, and letting go of the belief that there's a deus ex machina out there who will come and rescue me when things get tough

It can be hard sometimes to stare these realities in the face, but we need to do so if we want to grow, without being trapped by our past and by the stories that we tell ourselves about how our lives are, and how they should be.

What do you need to accept and let go of?

Best wishes,
Chris

Next Mindful Living course in Bristol starts 7th September

Getting out of "Freeze" mode

2010-05-20T09:25:00.000-07:00

Have you ever felt like a rabbit in a car's headlights? You know that you should be doing something to get out of your predicament, but somehow you're transfixed and you can't do a damn thing. Welcome to "freeze" mode, the "other bit" of the fight or flight response. It's come to the forefront for me lately, because I'm faced with some big changes and I've discovered that - yes - "freeze" is my stress response of choice. Well, actually, it's "freeze" followed by "flight". Let me tell you more.

I'm currently going through what the Chinese describe as "interesting times" as I gear up for a major shift in my work. For some time now I've been jogging along doing a fairly substantial piece of "bread and butter" work which has helped keep my head above water in a difficult economic climate but hasn't exactly been the best fit or most productive use of my skills and experience. Meanwhile, a lot of the stuff I should really have been focusing on has been relegated to the back burner. And now, for various reasons, none of them personal to me, the pile of bread and butter will be shrinking.

Depending on how I view it, this could be the golden path of opportunity or the edge of a big black hole. A great opportunity to stretch myself, grow my business in the way that I want it to grow (more courses, residential retreats in stunning locations, more e-resources for you all...) but pretty scary, too. Lots of "what ifs" rearing their ugly heads (you know the "what ifs"? Of course you do!). Hence my retreat into "freeze" mode. Take this morning, for example. I plodded up the two flights of stairs to my office and sat down at my desk. I knew that there was a whole shedload of activities on my "to do" list, but as soon as I thought about them my energy drained and I felt that familiar tightening in the pit of my stomach. Far easier to check emails, look at other people's websites, make another cup of coffee (that's the "flight" bit, folks).

So what did I do? Let me share it with you, just in case you ever find yourself in a similar place. Well, first of all I acknowledged to myself that - OK - I was feeling scared, wobbly and just a bit overwhelmed. I took that to my meditation stool, not as a way of escaping what I was feeling, but of accepting it and bringing some compassion to exploring my feelings. I tuned in to my breath, which was high and tight in my chest. I noticed the feelings in my body; the buzz of stress chemicals whizzing around, a tension in the back of my neck and in my stomach. I accepted all of these feelings as best I could - and noticed that, actually, they were very similar to feelings of excitement and anticipation.

Then I focused on my breath. Mindfulness talks about the breath as an anchor, a way of escorting our attention back to the present moment, away from wherever our mind has taken us. Focusing on the breath at the belly is a great way of bringing the nervous energy down, helping us to feel more grounded.

Next, I asked myself "What do I need to do now in order to look after myself?" It turned out to be, of all things, balancing my cheque book, a simple task that helped me to feel more in control. After that came a walk, to recharge my batteries and get my body back into equilibrium. I'm lucky to live a stone's throw from 2 lovely country parks and the famous Bristol Downs, so I really enjoy the sights, sounds and scents on my little circuits. Birdsong, huge overblown crimson poppies and the neat pompoms of alliums; the heady fragrance of lilacs and lime trees. And on that walk, ideas started popping into my head; simple ways that I could move things forward. The beginning of a thaw...

The scary feeling hasn't gone away, but at least I now know it's a lot like excitement. Maybe I'll take Susan Jeffers' time honoured advice to "feel the fear and do it anyway".

What do you think?

When too many ideas are Not A Good Thing

2010-02-17T03:43:00.000-08:00

I've always been an ideas person. If I sit down for a few minutes my head rapidly fills up with all kinds of plans, projects, story plots, etc...etc...etc...

Now, don't get me wrong, I like being an ideas person. It keeps me inspired and helps me to come up with creative solutions to problems. But there is a downside.

Sometimes there's so much going on in my head that, when I sit down to do something, I'm not sure where to start. It's easy to get pulled hither and thither, doing a bit of this and a bit of that and not really getting anywhere. I can also end up bamboozling other people when I go off at tangents and present them with too many alternatives.

So how do I cope with this? Well, it's kind of a work in progress, but here are a few things that help. If you also suffer from ideas overload, maybe they'll help you, too.

Mindfulness practice is probably my biggest help. When I sit down to meditate I can step back from the torrent of "I could do this, or I could do that..." sufficiently to just let the thoughts come and go, without immediately feeling that I have to rush off and do something about them
Writing stuff down is great, too. I carry several notebooks so that I can jot ideas down when they occur. Some of them have legs, others don't - when I review my notes later, I can generally tell which is which. If an idea keeps recurring, that's an indicator that it's pretty important to me and might be worth checking out
Focusing on one thing at a time - sounds fairly basic, but surprisingly effective. I was reminded of it when I read Maitreyabandhu's great book on Mindfulness, "Life with Full Attention". Now I try to ensure that I keep my desk space free of everything except what I'm currently working on, and that I turn my email off whilst I'm doing other things
Reducing input is pretty much a necessity in this info-heavy age that we live in. I'm currently reviewing my online marketing, and I can tell you, there are gazillions of online marketing gurus out there with appealing-sounding newsletters and signups, and I think I signed up to most of them. If I try to take all of their ideas on board, it's just too much, so I'm settling on a couple that I've found particularly helpful, and putting the rest to one side

I can't pretend I've completely conquered my ideas overload, and I'm not entirely sure I want to, but at least I can see the wood for the trees! How about you? I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.

Best wishes

Chris

Getting inspired

2010-01-29T11:42:00.000-08:00

I've always been a great reader, ever since I was little (come to think of it, I'm not very big now!). I was one of those kids who had to be dragged away kicking and screaming from my book, and forced to play outside - sad, I know. I distinctly remember the "torch under the covers" scenario. And that love of books has stayed with me ever since. Books that I read for the fun of it, and books that encourage, motivate and inspire me - sometimes both at the same time. Lately I've been discovering some great books on Mindfulness as I develop my own practice and teach my classes. You'll find some of these on my website at www.breathing-space.biz/biblio

There's a whole approach to mental health and wellbeing that's known as "bibliotherapy". Basically, learning something new, anything new, is good for us and boosts our self esteem. Of course, learning and insights don't just come from self help books, and a well written novel or poem can often be even more moving and inspirational. For example, the haunting atmosphere of Alain-Fournier's novel "Le Grand Meaulnes" has stayed with me for many years, and I belief it also inspired John Fowles when he was writing "The Magus", another old favourite.

As we move into Spring, which is associated in the Celtic calendar with Air, the element of ideas and inspiration, wouldn't it be good to share our inspirational books? What are yours? Drop me a line!